Here's the story.
My parents are TOTALLY anti-smoking. Neither or them has ever even tried a cigarette. They both had parents who smoked and I guess it put them off.
I never thought I would smoke either. I know the health risks, I work in a health clinic where stop-smoking services are offered. I know how hard it is to quit and I've lost count of the amount of times the patients have told me to never take up smoking.
I'm 19 now, and up til this point I've never smoked. I've been offered. People have even tried to pressure me but I've never caved. I never felt the need to.
A few weeks ago, a guy I was on a night out with asked me to hold his cigarette for him. I took a drag.
I don't know what made me do it, I guess I was just drunk and curious. I inhaled properly and didn't end up coughing or feeling sick like everyone always seems to. It wasn't that special. It just felt like breathing in hot air yet I felt cool and free. I'm guessing it's because my parents have instilled their views in me so much. I'm finally living alone and feeling confident enough to be my own person, so maybe this was proving a point.
I felt a little guilty but didn't think too much about it.
My flatmate is a smoker, he smokes every time we go out. He smokes daily and I've been around it often and never been tempted. I always thought he was kinda dumb.
Saturday night I made a comment that I tried smoking and it wasn't special. Just breathing in hot air. So he told me to try his which was menthol. It was an offer I could easily have refused but I wanted to try it. I had a drag. This one was different from the previous hand-rolled cigarette I'd taken a drag of. The smoke was thick and the menthol caught in my throat. Again it wasn't particularly exciting. Yet when he offered another drag I took it. I don't know why. I was pretty much sober from our night out. I feel like maybe I'm just trying to test my limits and try things, yet now I can't stop thinking about it.
I'm not craving a nicotine or anything like that, it didn't make me feel relaxed or dizzy or anything that people have described. It was just warm I guess. And I felt in control. But now I feel worried and guilty. Guilty because I feel like I've let myself down. And it's weird because I know if I never smoke again my health will never be impacted, and it won't really matter. Most non-smoking adults I know have tried it at least once. Many used to smoke throughout their youth socially and stopped with ease. I'm worried that if I'm offered again I'll want to smoke. Has anyone else ever felt this?
I think the test will be next time I'm drunk and someone offers me a drag. I hope for my sake I'll want to say no.
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