Migraine-addled musings

If this post is a bit garbled I'm recovering from a 2 day migraine and I'm still feeling a bit fragile so I can only apologise!

My first article for the placement has been published - on the front page of the newsletter! - and it is SO rewarding seeing that my work has actually been used. I'm so so grateful for this placement.

I've spent the past two days in lectures/seminars and watching Netflix. I finished House of Cards - that ending!!! - so now I've started watching The Tudors in the evenings. So far I'm not enjoying it that much but I think it's because I've seen pretty much the whole first season before, I just got out of watching it. Hopefully the following seasons will be more interesting. In my days plagued with illness I've been watching Stephen Fry in America which I'm finding seriously interesting. My dream of travelling the USA has only been strengthening. I think it's the vastness that captivates me - the landscape is so huge and the culture is so varied.

I'm currently in the process of trying to sort out a house for next year. The estate agents are being awkward and won't allow me to see the tenancy agreement until I've paid my deposit and my mum has signed to be guarantor so I'm going in tomorrow to try and sort that out. Surely it can't be right????

Getting a takeaway tonight so the healthy eating kick is definitely going to take a hard hit tonight but I still feel too tender to cook!

I haven't been out drinking for a couple of weeks so this is my reward I guess.

I'm out Saturday for a lunch date with my friend and then I'm going to a house party that night.

I really need to stop spending money... I'm going to be out £320 tomorrow if we sort out the housing complications!!

Recent events

I submitted my first article for placement. I really hope it's okay and that it gets published. I tried really hard to get it to a standard I was happy with - and which I hope all parties involved will be happy with. It'd be a nice addition to my portfolio (which so far is pretty much non-existent).

I went to see Jake Bugg tonight. He was absolutely incredible. I don't know about anyone else but going to concerts with artists and music I love makes me feel really emotional, although I guess that's the point. It's almost euphoria. You just get lost in the music and before you know it you're up and dancing without even having had a drink, not caring that you probably look like a total idiot. Nobody in my block was even standing up and yet when one of my favourite songs came on - Lightning Bolt - I was up straight away dancing and singing, and slowly but surely most people seemed to join in! Guess there's always got to be someone to jumpstart the party! His voice, his instrumental ability, his songwriting, it was all so incredible. And to top things off he was just a lad from Clifton (where I currently live) and his home city is Nottingham so I empathise with him a great deal. Nobody from Nottingham ever gets famous really, apart from Paul Smith, Torvill and Dean and Robin Hood - and there are many claimants of him... plus he may not even be real! I guess I feel like if he made it, that means I could too. I'm not trying to break into the music industry or anything like that, but it just shows that if you have the talent and the will - in any arena - you can make something of yourself, even if the odds are against you.

Here's the preachy part: I watched a documentary called Gasland and it made me really concerned over the impact fracking will have on the environment and the animals and people who live in that environment. I won't go into it a great deal but people were lighting tap water on fire and there are cancer spikes around those areas due to the carcinogen containing chemicals pumped into the ground in order to release natural gas. It's not even an infinite resource. Instead of guzzling up the fossil fuels we have, we should concentrate on a long-term solution. That's enough ranting but check it out.

Finally, HOUSE OF FRICKIN' CARDS. This show has taken over my life. In a great way. I'm trying to slow myself down because I'm already over halfway through season 2 and I don't want it to end!

P.S. I watched The Walking Dead and it seems to have picked up somewhat after the dismal post-mid-season finale episode. I'm hoping for bigger and better things.

In other news

I got my first assignment for the PR company I'm doing my placement with today. I'm going to be writing a 200 word newsletter article for a relatively well-known UK company. I am both nervous and excited.

Secondly, I was majorly disappointed that Leonardo DiCaprio didn't receive any BAFTAs. The Wolf of Wall Street is an incredible film and I'd definitely recommend it.

Don't worry Leo, I still love you...

I smoked on Saturday night and now I feel bad

Here's the story.

My parents are TOTALLY anti-smoking. Neither or them has ever even tried a cigarette. They both had parents who smoked and I guess it put them off.

I never thought I would smoke either. I know the health risks, I work in a health clinic where stop-smoking services are offered. I know how hard it is to quit and I've lost count of the amount of times the patients have told me to never take up smoking.

I'm 19 now, and up til this point I've never smoked. I've been offered. People have even tried to pressure me but I've never caved. I never felt the need to.

A few weeks ago, a guy I was on a night out with asked me to hold his cigarette for him. I took a drag.

I don't know what made me do it, I guess I was just drunk and curious. I inhaled properly and didn't end up coughing or feeling sick like everyone always seems to. It wasn't that special. It just felt like breathing in hot air yet I felt cool and free. I'm guessing it's because my parents have instilled their views in me so much. I'm finally living alone and feeling confident enough to be my own person, so maybe this was proving a point.

I felt a little guilty but didn't think too much about it.

My flatmate is a smoker, he smokes every time we go out. He smokes daily and I've been around it often and never been tempted. I always thought he was kinda dumb.

Saturday night I made a comment that I tried smoking and it wasn't special. Just breathing in hot air. So he told me to try his which was menthol. It was an offer I could easily have refused but I wanted to try it. I had a drag. This one was different from the previous hand-rolled cigarette I'd taken a drag of. The smoke was thick and the menthol caught in my throat. Again it wasn't particularly exciting. Yet when he offered another drag I took it. I don't know why. I was pretty much sober from our night out. I feel like maybe I'm just trying to test my limits and try things, yet now I can't stop thinking about it.

I'm not craving a nicotine or anything like that, it didn't make me feel relaxed or dizzy or anything that people have described. It was just warm I guess. And I felt in control. But now I feel worried and guilty. Guilty because I feel like I've let myself down. And it's weird because I know if I never smoke again my health will never be impacted, and it won't really matter. Most non-smoking adults I know have tried it at least once. Many used to smoke throughout their youth socially and stopped with ease. I'm worried that if I'm offered again I'll want to smoke. Has anyone else ever felt this?

I think the test will be next time I'm drunk and someone offers me a drag. I hope for my sake I'll want to say no.

Here we go again

Decided to give this thing a whirl again after God knows how many years (3 or 4 I think). Google+ has sure made it more difficult than it once was.

I don't have a great deal to say.

I secured a placement with a PR company so should be starting work on that anytime soon which'd be great because I'd actually like to have some hope of getting a job I enjoy after graduating. No disrespect to anybody, but I'd rather not be a receptionist all my life...

Really unsure what to do for 'V Day'. I'm supposed to be going to a traffic light party where the colour you wear advertises your availability. I wanted to go for orange (can be persuaded/it's complicated). Typically, the outfits I have are green (totally up for it) and red (you haven't got a hope in hell son). I could go as green however I have visions of being approached by many horny, desperate boys, who are bound to assume I am in the same state as them, which frankly I'm not. Being single after 4 years is absolutely great and whilst I'd maybe be open to dating someone super special, I doubt I'm going to find them at a Valentine's traffic light party.

This leaves me with option 2) stay in, get a takeaway, and watch horror films or something of the like. Strictly NO rom-coms. I'm just not that sadistic. However the problem with this is that my flatmate thinks she'll end up depressed, which won't exactly be great for my mood.

Whilst in relationships I thought V Day was a big chore, but now I'm single it's even MORE of a chore. Who'da thunk it?

UPDATE: there was a huge storm so my flatmate and I ordered Domino's takeaway - you know the Winter Survival Deal with 2 large pizzas, garlic pizza bread, twisted dough balls and wedges? Yeah, that one. Naturally we saved a pizza for dinner the next day. We spent our evening watching The Hangover followed by The Purge, and I'd say it was a night well spent!